Most of us have experienced that sense of total confusion, deep despair and utter frustration when, suddenly—seemingly out of nowhere—one morning we wake up and realize that our favorite pair of jeans no longer fit. “How did this happen?” we ask ourselves. Once the shock and disbelief wears off, we get angry, blame our spouse for using the high heat cycle on the dryer and consider every possibility for how the jeans magically shrunk. The last possible reason, of course, is that we’ve slacked on exercise, not been watching our diet and gained a few pounds. Eventually, we either decide to move up a size or make some changes in order to get back into those jeans. The reason you might start or return to therapy is basically the same: you’re uncomfortable.
The discomfort I’m talking about is not your everyday “I get annoyed when my spouse doesn’t listen to me” uncomfortable. Just like with unwanted weight gain, we really don’t notice our discomfort until it significantly starts to change the way we act, think and feel. I often tell my clients, “We don’t make changes in our lives until we are sufficiently uncomfortable with the way things are right now.”
For example, you may have managed your anxiety on your own for many years—avoiding certain places and people, distracting yourself with TV and food or perhaps enjoying a few extra glasses of wine when the nerves get particularly bad. Those are all coping skills—regardless of whether they are helpful or harmful. At some point you are going to come to a place where the avoidance, distraction and self-medicating start to negatively impact your relationships, work and life. It is at that point where the coping skills become hurtful (maladaptive) and your life becomes sufficiently uncomfortable. This is the point where change can occur.
Many of you may not have that exact experience and may be wondering, “Is it time for me to go to therapy (again)?” Exploring therapy might be a good idea if you answer yes to some of the following:
Remember, reaching out to a therapist isn’t an automatic commitment for years of therapy. Most therapists are happy to provide an initial consultation so that you can make an informed choice about who you see.
And a note to those of you currently in therapy: if you feel that you and your therapist aren’t “clicking” anymore, talk to him or her! I know it can be tough to have that conversation but we’d rather have that talk than to have you sit through session after session feeling disengaged—or to have you just stop coming all together.
My thoughts and reactions to the world in which we live...completely biased and unfiltered.