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In no particular order, I offer a list of things that bring me joy/make me happy/make me feel grateful...what are yours?
The early morning light from my kitchen window Listening to music from my high school years The Golden Girls on Lifetime How my cat runs to the door when I come home How my cat bites me when he's done with the petting "Come, labor on" and a few other Anglican hymns The sound of the coffee grinder Hearing, "Hey babe, you're home!" That feeling after the gym when I didn't want to go in the first place The smell of onions in the saute pan Colored Christmas lights covered in snow Making lists Completing lists Seeing the gloaming sky from anywhere on earth Driving without a destination The smell of an extinguished match The memory of my grandmother's voice Looking at magazines with no intention to purchase Walking through Central Park Talking to my mom on a Friday night Singing Looking up flights to exotic and distant places Chocolate and peanut butter Two dozen white roses An afternoon nap
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 Today I broke a coffee mug that I had for about three years. It wasn't an antique, heirloom, or anything expensive. In fact, it was from the store Anthropologie. But it was a gift...a gift from a former partner.
Just to be clear from the start: I've happily been in a relationship for over six months and two of us have openly talked about each of our respective pasts. "Getting over" a past a relationship is different for everyone - there is none of that formulaic nonsense -- (three months for every year, etc.) This is how I like to view it: each day the pain and hurt is a little less than the day before. For me, to have a wonderful man in my life who gets me - gets that - means more than anything. But still...the mug. It wasn't as if every morning when I poured my coffee I thought, "Oh, how I miss him...." But during the relationship (which was long-distance), that mug, like pictures and little mementos, were imbued with fraught meaning and significance. Having that mug break this morning while I washed up seemed rather timely. The adage, "Act as if ye had faith, and faith will be given to you." seems particularly apt for me these days. I know what I feel but what I feel is sometimes confusing. So instead of questioning, doubting, or over-thinking (my favorite), I have recently chosen to actively live as if those questions and wonders didn't mean so much. In fact, whenever I felt more drawn into the past, I intentionally forced myself to be more immediate - more present. The result? The mug broke today. We all carry our pasts with us all of our lives...but how we choose to live and act in the present is up to us. For me, it means leaning on the love and assurance of others when I might not feel so steady. And that...is faith. |
Brandon BeachampMy thoughts and reactions to the world in which we live...completely biased and unfiltered. Archives
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