In no particular order, I offer a list of things that bring me joy/make me happy/make me feel grateful...what are yours?
The early morning light from my kitchen window
Listening to music from my high school years
The Golden Girls on Lifetime
How my cat runs to the door when I come home
How my cat bites me when he's done with the petting
"Come, labor on" and a few other Anglican hymns
The sound of the coffee grinder
Hearing, "Hey babe, you're home!"
That feeling after the gym when I didn't want to go in the first place
The smell of onions in the saute pan
Colored Christmas lights covered in snow
Seeing the gloaming sky from anywhere on earth
Driving without a destination
The smell of an extinguished match
The memory of my grandmother's voice
Looking at magazines with no intention to purchase
Walking through Central Park
Talking to my mom on a Friday night
Looking up flights to exotic and distant places
Chocolate and peanut butter
Two dozen white roses
An afternoon nap
Today I broke a coffee mug that I had for about three years. It wasn't an antique, heirloom, or anything expensive. In fact, it was from the store Anthropologie. But it was a gift...a gift from a former partner.
Just to be clear from the start: I've happily been in a relationship for over six months and two of us have openly talked about each of our respective pasts. "Getting over" a past a relationship is different for everyone - there is none of that formulaic nonsense -- (three months for every year, etc.) This is how I like to view it: each day the pain and hurt is a little less than the day before. For me, to have a wonderful man in my life who gets me - gets that - means more than anything. But still...the mug.
It wasn't as if every morning when I poured my coffee I thought, "Oh, how I miss him...." But during the relationship (which was long-distance), that mug, like pictures and little mementos, were imbued with fraught meaning and significance. Having that mug break this morning while I washed up seemed rather timely.
The adage, "Act as if ye had faith, and faith will be given to you." seems particularly apt for me these days. I know what I feel but what I feel is sometimes confusing. So instead of questioning, doubting, or over-thinking (my favorite), I have recently chosen to actively live as if those questions and wonders didn't mean so much. In fact, whenever I felt more drawn into the past, I intentionally forced myself to be more immediate - more present. The result?
The mug broke today.
We all carry our pasts with us all of our lives...but how we choose to live and act in the present is up to us. For me, it means leaning on the love and assurance of others when I might not feel so steady. And that...is faith.
My thoughts and reactions to the world in which we live...completely biased and unfiltered.